More Honest Names for College Classes 101 (aka: That Time I Let my Teens Write the Blog)

Because I’m apparently suffering from Blogger’s Block, I decided to let my 14 year-old son and my 17 year-old daughter write this blog post. They were sitting around sharing goofy titles they came up with to replace the boring titles of typical college courses. I’m sure that their imaginary university would be pretty interesting to attend!

  • How to Take Over the World (Political Science 101)
  • Destroy Anyone in an Argument by Insulting their Innate Human Tendencies (Psychology 101)
  • How to Design Buildings that Won’t Fall Down in the First 5 Minutes (Architecture 101)
  • Math, Except All the Numbers Are Replaced with Letters and Weird Symbols (Calculus)
  • How to Go to the Party Without Really Being There (Quantum Mechanics 101)
  • Mindfulness and Meditation (Mortuary Science 101)
  • How to Talk to People Because You Didn’t in High School so Now You’re Making Up for It (Communications 101)
  • How to Get One Step Closer to Ending the World (Robotics)
  • How to Be Totally Fake But Make Everyone Like You (Drama)
  • How to Have a Slim Chance of Striking it Rich but Probably go Bankrupt (Business 101)
  • How to Get Away With Blowing Up Entire Buildings (Chemistry 101)
  • How to Beat Someone in a Fight Without Violence (Dance 101)
  • Turn Your Parents’ Money into Art a 4 year-old Could Make (Art 101)
  • How to Make Everyone Mad at You (Gender Studies 101)
  • How to Relearn Your Own Language Because You Spent So Much Time Texting (English 101)
Advertisements

Themey Awards (aka: Theme Song Karaoke)

Cameras are flashing. Crowds are cheering. The celebrities have finished parading down the red carpet. Are you ready? It’s time for the Themey Awards!

Yes, that’s a thing. Okay, not a legit thing, exactly. But it should be. With all the buzz over the Oscars, Grammys, and Emmys (and oh yeah, Oscars), I just thought I’d use the momentum to throw in my plug for a new award shoe. One that celebrates some of the most entertaining, memorable music in pop culture.

Theme songs.

I have a huge thing for television show theme songs. Half the time, I never even watch the show. But you’d better believe that when the theme song begins, I am right there in front of the TV, singing along. Theme songs are like the Superbowl™ commercials of the TV world, and they deserve to be awarded. So here we go:

The Theme Song Karaoke Award – Given to the opening theme song that inspires the most people to grab their hairbrush microphones and sing along.

“You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and there you have THE FACTS OF LIFE! THE FACTS OF LIFE!”

Close contender: “Super-powered mind! But can it go canine as it rescues the day from sheer destruction? This is the theme song of Jimmy Neutron!”

jimmy-neutron-boy-genius

Okay, quiet down, everyone. No more singing. Time to move on to category 2.

The Bruised Arm Award – Given to the theme song that results in the most bruised arms, because our co-watchers can’t help but punch us during that one part of the song.

This category resulted in a two-way tie between the theme song from Friends (“So no one told you life was gonna be this way – PUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCH!!!”) and the theme song to Beverly Hills, 90210 (Original cast).

The Top-of-Your-Lungs Award – For the theme song you just can’t sing – you have to belt out at the top of your lungs. And the winner is:

“Are ya ready kids? AYE AYE, CAPTAIN! I can’t heeeaaar you! AYE AYE, CAPTAIN!”

The Gotta-Play-Airdrums Award – Because there isn’t a single person alive who can hear this theme song without jamming along on airdrums, and possibly air guitar, too.

 

The Unexpected Blast-From-the-Past Award goes to a theme song that lots of you either don’t remember or have happily forgotten:

“Believe it or not, I’m walking on air. I never thought I could feel so free-ee-ee!”

(Close contenders included theme songs for The Great Space Coaster, The Patty Duke Show, and Fame).

And finally, we have the OMG, PLEASE GET THAT STUPID EARWORM FROM HELL OUT OF MY HEAD award, bestowed upon the worst of the worst addictive theme songs. First, the runners-up:

  1. “Grab your backpack, let’s go! Jump in! Vamonos! You can lead the wa-ay! Hey hey!”
  2. .”We’re Kids Incorporated! K! I! D! S! Yeah! Kids Incorporated…”
  3. .”I’m just a kid who’s four! Each day I grow some more! I love exploring, I’m Caillou…”

And the winner, by unanimous vote (of one) is:

 

You’re welcome. No, sorry. I really can’t help to remove that earworm. Maybe it only goes away if you find and rescue that poor animal in twouble somewhere.

Anyway, what was your favorite part of the First (and probably last) Annual Themey Awards? I liked that part, too. ¡Adios!

 

 

 

 

Game Time (The iPod Shuffle Game)

And now, for something completely different…

Then again, not so different. Seeing as my brain is worn out after a day of work, and Mom stuff, and studying programming (for fun, of course), and seeing as I was already on the topic of never growing up, I thought it may be time for a game. I know, right? Hooray, a game! I love games!

Okay, get your music player out, and prepare to hit that shuffle button. You heard right – it’s once again time for every music lover’s favorite time-waster:

The iPod Shuffle Game

music-1920-1080-wallpaper

In case you don’t already know the rules, here they are:

  1. Put your music player on shuffle.
  2. For each question, press the Next button to get your answer.
  3. You must write down (or say) the name of the song, no matter how silly it is. (Cheating optional)

Ready? Here goes…

  1. How do you feel today?

Foxey Lady – Jimi Hendrix

[Oh my! Okay, kind of accurate, even. 😉 ]

 

  1. What do other people think of you?

This Love – Maroon 5

[Fire in my eyes? Chaos controlling their minds?]

 

  1. How do you describe yourself?

Oops!…I Did it Again – Britney Spears

[*Shocked face* What!? Me?! But..but…I AM that innocent!]

 

  1. What is your life’s purpose?

True Colors – Cyndi Lauper

[This actually made sense once I thought about it]

 

  1. What crosses your mind often?

Patience – Guns n’ Roses

[So true! Be patient me, be patient…]

 

  1. What do you think of the person you love/luv?

Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen

[Haha! Not exactly, but this was very, very funny!]

 

  1. What is your life motto?

I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For – U2

[Some days, yes.]

 

  1. What song will they play at your funeral?

You Be Illin’ – Run DMC

[Lol! Quite unexpected.]

 

  1. What do you dream about?

Get Lucky – Pharrell Williams

[Mmmaybe… 😉 ]

 

  1. What gives you nightmares?

Baby Beluga – Raffi

[AAACCK! A whale! Wait -why on earth is Raffi is still in my iTunes collection?]

 

  1. What was the last lie you told?

I See Fire – Jasmine Thompson

[But there really was a fire, I swear!]

 

  1. What embarrasses you?

La Isla Bonita – Madonna

[Huh?]

 

  1. How do you feel about your coworkers/friends?

I’ll Be There for You – Bon Jovi

[Awww!]

 

  1. What is your biggest secret?

Superman (It’s Not Easy) – Five for Fighting

[Oh great, now you all know my secret]

 

  1. What gets your heart pounding?

Bonito – Jarabe de Palo

[Dancing to this song gets my heart pounding! ¡Bonito! Todo me parece bonito…]

 

Game over – Thanks for playing!

How to Tame a Class Clown

20120311-100119.jpg
Next week, I will have to visit my son’s middle school for a parent-teacher conference. Why? In order to discuss my child’s abyssmal grades and explore strategies to help him to be more successful. Yuck. I dread this part of parenting. And really, I am not sure which new strategies we will succeed in coming up with. Make sure he’s getting his homework done? Check. Ensure that he gets plenty of sleep and not too much screen time? Check. Remove every existing privilege when his grades go south? Yup, we do that, too. So what is the problem? Why is my otherwise bright kid doing poorly in school?

In educated terms, my son suffers from severe case of underachievement sparked by lack of motivation and an unfortunate desire to distract himself and his classmates with humor.

In other words, he’s lazy. And a class clown.

And so I will promise to do my motherly best to help my kid to change. But I may as well try to teach a cat to swim or a river to stop flowing. My unfortunate child has two lazy parents and one who is former class clown. Okay, well not exactly former. I still love to make people laugh. And yes, my clownish ways led to a few crummy grades when I was young, and a few detentions, too. Not so funny. Well, except for the spitball I made, which landed smack-dab in the middle of the number 8 my math teacher had just written on the chalkboard. Now that was funny. But don’t tell my son. I don’t want him to get ay ideas.

Songs on my mind: The Lazy Song — Bruno Mars

Like Father Like Son — Elton John