Rabid Vampire Dogs (and Other Irrational Fears)

Mostly, I think of myself as a pretty brave person. I am not afraid of insects or public speaking or things that go bump in the night. I will courageously climb mountains, ride roller coasters, and even walk through dangerous urban neighborhoods without so much as a shiver. However, like many people, I am plagued by a few irrational fears. One of the worst? Dogs.

Okay, the thing is, I love dogs. Especially when they are locked up securely inside of someone’s home. I will happily go inside and pet dear, sweet Cocoa or Woofie or Fido (does anyone really name their dog Fido?). But if I encounter a stray dog wandering around the neighborhood, I panic. Seriously. I am paralyzed with fear. Suddenly, dear, sweet Woofie, in my imagination, has transformed into Cujo, snarling and foaming at the mouth, poised to attack and infect me with rabies.

Cujo scarred me for life

Okay, fine. My parents gave me the liberty to read Stephen King when I was only eight years old, and I am now permanently scarred. Yes, clowns freak me out, too, thanks to It and the clown under the bed in Poltergeist.

IT (Thanks a lot, Stephen King)

Even chihuahuas make me shudder. Yes, yes, they are soooo cute when dressed in a sparkly tutu and riding in some celebrity’s sequined handbag. But once, I ran screaming down the street while one of these vicious little rat-dogs chased me, barking and growling. By once, I mean a year ago. I know, I am an adult. I am supposed to be so brave and tough. But have you ever seen their teeth? Those creatures are like canine vampires! I’m sure that they are out for my blood. Honestly, I could probably step on a chihuahua and kill it, but just in case, I think that next time I take a walk around my neighborhood, I will carry a wooden stake…just in case.

Things Which Scare the Living Daylights Out of Me:

stray dogs
clowns (especially with bushy red hair)
standing next to a steep cliff
grizzly bears
drop-crotch jeans
singing in front of people
Tangina Barrons

“Nothing in life is to be feared. it is only to be understood.” ~ Marie Curie