Everybody Wants to Be Superman (aka: Useless Goals)

Supergirl TV ShowLook! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s…it’s…Supergirl? A collective groan runs through the crowd. Oh come on! What a gyp! Everyone knows that Supergirl is a total wannabe. No matter how supercool she tries to be, she will never live up to the badass standard set by her cousin, Kal-El.

Really, no one can.

Here’s the thing – I am totally not a superhero person. I get the Green Hornet mixed up with the Green Lantern, and the Hulk mixed up with the Jolly Green Giant. I think that Batman lives in a cave and likes bats, and drives a weird car, but I could be wrong about some of those.

Super SomethingBut here’s what I do know: every superhero and supervillain wants the same thing. They all want to be Superman. But no one – not even Clark Kent himself, can be that awesome. Want superspeed? Fine – but that’s the only superpower you get, Flash. So you wish you could fly? Here – have some stretchy spider-webs so you can fake fly around the city. Have an invisible jet (seriously, Wonder Woman creators? Was that the best you could do?). Want to be strong enough to push a ginourmous meteor deeper into space so it doesn’t destroy Earth? Yeah, good luck with that one. Good luck with freezing a lake with your icy breath, cutting through rock with your laser vision, and super-self-healing, too.

SuperheroesJelly yet, Justice League losers?

It’s hard not to love someone who is the ultimate superhero. I mean, his only weakness is kryptonite. And unless you live in Smallville, kryptonite is pretty rare stuff.

Okay, okay, maybe I’m judging too harshly. I should acknowledge that the other superheroes all have their special, unique gifts, too. Where would we all be if not for Wonder Woman’s incredible ability to lasso people and force them to tell the truth? And the Wonder Twins’ ability to turn into animals and…um…water? So much better than the ability to keep an entire jet plane full of people from crashing into a crowded stadium.

There’s simply no way to compare. Nor should we try. Superman is just…super. But as super as he is, he is not my most admired superhero. Who comes to mind when you hear the words, Go Go Gadget car!? A truly impressive superhero, right? One who can use technology to fight crime, chase super-villains, and do amazing things. No, not Inspector Gadget! Don’t be ridiculous! The true superhero was his niece, Penny, who kept saving the world while sitting in front of her computer screen. Now that’s the kind of superhero act I can get behind.

Penny and her computer book