Goliath Sucks (Or Does He?)

slingshot weaponOkay, two things. First of all, this theme was not exactly my idea. I was inspired by reading the blog post of this really funny…er, I mean, bitter blogger. But I thought it was worth stealing…er, borrowing. Second of all, this is definitely not a post about sheep. Although sheep are kind of a part of this blog post, I generally don’t pay much attention to them, because sheep are not very bright, follow the crowd waaaay too much, and make me feel kinda bored and sleepy after a while.

This is a story about a shepherd. And a giant.

Veggie Tales Dave and the Giant Pickle

Veggie Tales – Dave and the Giant Pickle

What’s that? You already know the story of David and Goliath? It was already drilled into your head via Bible-memorization-games-for-candy and Veggie Tales and Sunday School songs that get stuck in your head? (…and one little stone went into the sling and the sling went round and round. And round and round and round and round and round and round and round…). Well good, then I don’t need to fill you in.

The whole David and Goliath theme is kind of overdone. With good reason, of course. Perhaps it is within our human nature to desire to see the bully taken down by the underdog. To see good triumph over evil. To see the Israelites defeat the Big Bad Philistines. And so the theme appears again and again in literature, in cinema, in art. The weak, powerless kids defeat the Fratellis and score a pirate ship full of gold treasure. The newb wizard defeats He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named again and again. The abused little girl uses her wits to bring down her mean principal and turn her school into a safe and happy place. Hooray for the Davids! Boo to the Goliaths! Goliath sucks.

Not only do we like to apply the David and Goliath theme to the world of fantasy, but to our real lives, as well. We support the Davids who fight against cruel dictators, against tyranny and injustice. The braver among us aim to be Davids, too (although hopefully not in the way he abandoned his responsibilities, aka sheep, in his determination to go to battle). We gather our stones and swing around our slingshots, eager to bring down the Goliaths in our lives. Because the Goliaths must die, so that good and right may triumph, right?

David vs. Big Bad GoliathBut wait. Who was Goliath, anyway? Why was he there with the Philistine army? What did he do that made our hero, David, want to bring him down with a stone? Clearly, he must have been on the bad side. The wrong side. The side of evil. Okay, well here’s the deal: The Israelites (Team David) were at war with the Philistines (Team Goliath). Why? Because apparently, God told the Israelites that they were destined to own the land where the Philistines lived. Therefore, the Israelites had to go to war and forcibly remove the Philistines (including Goliath) from their land.

Manifest Destiny, anyone?

Basically, Goliath was like the Native American warrior hero of his time, fighting to keep the European settlers from killing his people and taking his land. Team Goliath was on the defense, fighting to save what they believed to be theirs. But they lost it. All because of a boy named David and his rocks. Yay, David.

So anyway, our hero, David killed the Big Bad Giant and won a bunch of money and a woman, and eventually went on to be a pretty cool king. And the Philistines? Well, I don’t think the Bible mentioned what happened to them. Who knows? Maybe they went on to open a bunch of casinos.

Battle of Little Big Horn Manifest Destiny

2 responses to “Goliath Sucks (Or Does He?)

  1. The Bible definitely says what happened to the Philistines, so your statement that the Bible doesn’t really say what happened proves you are not actually familiar with the Bible beyond hearsay or what suits your needs. Anyway, the Manifest Destiny comparison is total sh*t honestly. If anything it was like a battle between two opposing Native tribes. The Israelites weren’t foreigners bent on conquest… they were FROM those areas originally, were deported to Egypt as slaves, and then went back to try and carve out a homeland. Fighting to find a home for your people is not “wrong”, no matter which side you happen to be on.

    Anyway, you do not need to hear from the Bible what happened to the Philistines. Philistine — Palestine. This is a LONG fight.

  2. Hi there! Okay, well for starters, I am very, very familiar with the Bible. Like — read it through several times, years of in-depth precept Bible studies, Sunday School Bible drills, Romans Road, preaching the 4 spiritual laws to total strangers, former Christian school teacher, hardcore IVCF and CCC member, apologetics is my hobby — kind of familiar. So please be careful before you judge the Bible familiarity of strangers, okay?

    My stating that the Bible does not say exactly what happened to the Philistines is not proof of my lack of Bible knowledge. There are prophesies about the Philistines’ demise, which I assume were fulfilled, because in those times, if a prophet got even one prophecy wrong, then he was stoned to death as a false prophet. So the assumption is that the Philistines were destroyed. However, that is a vague term, because some scholars believe that, though the Philistine culture was destroyed, the people themselves were likely absorbed into the other cultures in the Levant region.

    You are correct to say that the Manifest Destiny was an imperfect metaphor. However, it can still be logically applied to some extent, which suited the purpose of my blog post. Perhaps you are also right to allude that the Philistine-Israeli enmity is a similar struggle with a long history. Anyway, thanks for commenting!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s