My 13yo daughter is suspicious. “Sure you’re just a regular mom,” she said to me yesterday. “You run superfast. You know all this computer and networking stuff. You speak Spanish and watch all these foreign movies. I mean, who just watches movies in Swedish?”
“Please,” I said. “I’m just a mom. Seriously. An ordinary, cookie-baking soccer mom.”
“Yeah right,” she said. “Let me guess…you work at a bank.”
Maybe I shouldn’t have let her marathon-watch Alias.
It was a funny and cute accusation. But it also made me wonder. You see, this wasn’t the first time in my life that another person had accused me of being fake, of covering up my so-called true identity with something less sincere. (My ex-husband, in fact, was among such accusers, hence why he is now my ex-husband). On one hand, I find it amusing. I mean, maybe there is something about my personality that makes people say hmmm… Maybe it is the way I constantly walk my own path instead of jumping on political or cultural bandwagons. Maybe it is the way I refuse to reblog those ridiculous memes that shout in bold letters: REBLOG THIS POST OR YOU ARE A TERRIBLE PERSON WHO KILLS KITTENS! Maybe it is because I run superfast, watch Swedish movies, and have an interest in computers and networking stuff. Oh, and bake cookies.
Clearly, such a person can’t be trusted.
I wonder what qualities make a person seem to be trustworthy or untrustworthy to others? It’s not a new scientific concept that most people make decisions about another person’s character based on outward appearances. Something as simple as eyebrow height, the pitch of a voice, or how “average” a person’s face appears to us can make a huge impact on how we perceive their trustworthiness. Want to make people trust you more? Try to appear just like everyone else.
Ah, there it is again. The curse of the lone wolf. Perhaps, apart from outward appearance, a person’s life choices and ideology must also be deemed “average” in order to gain the trust of others. Perhaps we find ourselves unconsciously drawn toward people who not only look more like ourselves, but behave more like ourselves, according to the customs of our culture. Perhaps, in a white-collar, wine drinking culture, the blue-collar, beer-guzzling man will have a hard time gaining trust. Perhaps a conservative, rule-oriented group will have a hard time trusting a freethinker who questions authority. And perhaps down-to-earth, simple-minded folk may have a hard time believing the sincerity of a superfast-running, foreign-film-watching computer lover who may or may not be from Jupiter, no matter how delicious her homemade cookies may be.