Being American = McDonald’s for Dinner

All-American food essential

Today I did something extraordinary. I decided to behave like a true red-blooded American and eat dinner at McDonald’s. Not so extraordinary, you say? Well here’s what you should know:

1. I used to be, um…overweight. Or as one of my kids not-so-tactfully pointed out recently while looking at old family photos, “Wow, Mom, you were really fat!” And so for the past two or three years, I have mostly avoided eating fast food. Unless you count Subway. Okay, and sometimes Starbucks.

2. I am a hopeless neurotic control-freak. Which means that every time I look at an item of food, I immediately start calculating calories (Subway Veggie Delite sandwich = 230 calories. Starbucks scone = 480 calories).

3. I have honestly learned to love healthy foods. I would rather snack on a big bowl of green beans or baby carrots than have a chocolate bar. Seriously.

So anyway, choosing to eat McDonald’s food for dinner was a big deal for me. Huge. But like a good patriot, I marched up to the cashier and ordered a Filet o’ Fish and fries. (Okay, fine, a hamburger would have been more American). The fries were golden and crisp and steaming hot, sprinkled in salt. And as I began to eat them, the burst of fried, greasy deliciousness was nearly unbearable.

Ronald and Friends

Suddenly, I was skipping through McDonaldland with Ronald and Grimace and the Fry Guys, singing about how I believe in magic.

Yes, okay, I was an over-commercialized latchkey child of the 80s.

But yes, those fries tasted amazing. Sensational. For the first few bites, anyway. Halfway through the box, I began to notice how very salty they were. So salty, that by the time I had nearly eaten every last french fry, my mouth was as puckered as Spongebob when he was all dried out.

Spongebob Dried Out

I then tried to eat my Filet o’ Fish sandwich, which tasted exactly like the cardboard box it came in, only slathered in tartar sauce. I managed a few bites before finally throwing it all in the garbage. Bleah. Sorry, Ronald. Sorry, Grimace and Fry Guys. The next time I feel like doing something patriotic, I think I’ll stick with watching football.

McDonald’s French Fries = 380 calories
Filet o’ Fish = 380 calories
Total calories for 1 meal = !!!!!!!!

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